Response to Gerald Rogers

My response is long overdue to a post that received wide attention a few months ago, “Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage” (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151735776813486&set=a.81166678485.79418.696628485&type=1). The post was so popular that it circulated on Facebook numerous times. The words seemed heartfelt as the man shared the twenty things he wished he “would have done different.”

I was left with one glaring question: Why didn’t this man try to reconcile with his wife since he loved her so much? You’d think that after she saw the post that it would convince her that divorce was a mistake and that they needed to give marriage another try.

The truth is, we have no idea what was going on “behind closed doors.” We get an idea from his post that perhaps this man was selfish and self-centered. Maybe this post was just another way to get attention?

He responds, “I hope everyone realizes- I wrote this advice FOR ME. I shared it in the hopes that others might learn from my journey. I don’t pretend that this advice is for everyone, but this is the MAN I CHOOSE TO BE, and these are the lessons I COMMIT to carrying forward into my future relationships. This is what I have observed in common among those rare thriving marriages that seem to endure anything. That is the type of marriage I want to create when I have the chance again.”

Again, I go back to, why not reconcile with the woman that he claims to love? “…may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). Why is he looking for someone else to marry to do the right things?

What would be truly awesome is if he won his ex-wife back—if he started anew with his first love. Now that would be the ultimate love story!

Instead we have words from a man who wished he would have done the things he described, and that he is hoping to try with someone else.

It’s easy to start all over with someone new, but I think it takes even more work to get someone back after a breakup/divorce. I’m not sure if this man is willing to put that kind of work into getting his wife back.

Here’s my advice to Gerald Rogers:

“Put your money where your mouth is and reconcile with your wife– put what you have learned into good use.  You said, ‘That is the type of marriage  I want to create [a thriving marriage] when I have the chance again.’ Why not create that type of marriage with your wife? Don’t let your divorce paper stop you from reuniting with your first love, to start all over again and find happiness with her. Show her that you have learned from your mistakes. Try to win her back and don’t give up.”

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti
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3 comments

  1. Fred · December 1, 2014

    I did a little research and it appears that she was the one who wanted and filed. Maybe in her mind there was no reconciliation possible. I just went through the same thing after 18 years, and my ex-wife was already dating after a week. OI think she’s given her heart to this man already

    • Dr. T · December 1, 2014

      I am sorry to hear about this. Divorce is very tragic.

  2. Christina Broll Smith · March 15, 2015

    I can see where you’re coming from but like you said, “we have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.” We don’t know how hard he tried to get his wife back or what he tried to do to save his marriage. He chose not to share that with us but only choose how he could make things different next time. We don’t know what his wife was thinking, feeling, and wanting. Most likely, they were BOTH selfish in one way or another and not that it was just one person or the other. From the way he writes, it appears that he probably wishes he could of worked things out with wife. He said he loved being married. There is so so much we don’t know, we can’t assume.. It appears that his wife wanted the divorce so the fact that he is learning from his mistakes is the best thing we can do…

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